The Ph.D Dilemma: call me "doctor?"

When I'm at conferences, or among higher education professionals, no one questions the premise of being called "doctor" when you have a Ph.D (read out, that degree is a "doctorate of philosophy"). I struggle already with imposter syndrome - feeling like I don't deserve what I have - that I'm just a fake and any minute people will figure me out. So, admittedly, I had a hard time when I graduated from NYU with a Ph.D. I knew in my head that I wanted to congratulate myself - that this was a moment worth commemorating. I worked for seven long years on coursework, research, and teaching to earn this thing...all while making ends meet, becoming a new mother, then going through pregnancy again (while defending and walking for my graduation). I knew this was something worth a pause and a reflection. But all I could come up with was...so what? Look at all these other people who did the same thing. And it's not like I won the "best dissertation award" or was asked to be a speaker at the ceremony....that would have been impressive.

I have, simultaneously, a deep need to make myself impressive (to whom, you ask? I'm asking the same thing myself) and a built-in belief that I am, in fact, unimpressive.

So, I decided that this was my moment to force myself into celebrating my years of sacrifice, work, learning, research, and writing. A kind of "fake-it-til-you-make-it" approach. I'll own my doctorate and I will let that identity merge with me: Dr. Redler, professionally. Writing the title on long subway rides had been something that had gotten me through some particularly dark moments in my journey, anyways, so why deprive myself of the title?!

I now teach in a middle school, so I shifted into the "Dr. Redler" title instead of "Mrs. Redler" with my students. Most of the students made the adjustment easily - understandably some still default to Mrs. Redler. I don't really care when they do that. I am "Mrs. Redler" too. Where I run into issues is with other faculty, and adult members of the community. I feel like so much of my time is spent justifying my use of the title. No one baulks at using the title "Mrs." - which really just means I married someone and became a wife. Cool. That has zero bearing on my qualifications professionally, or my training professionally. So what's the problem of being known - professionally - as "doctor?" Like I said before, I have no problem when people default to "Mrs." because yes, I am that too. However, that title defines me based on my relationship to someone else. My earned "Dr." title defines me based on my own work and accomplishments.

I'm already struggling internally, but just when I thought I could be proud of something, I face people's inability to see beyond an M.D.'s sole claim on the title. I get it - that's the degree we colloquially call "a doctor." But I'm not calling myself "a doctor." I'm using the title that I earned when I matriculated through a doctorate of philosophy.

I've heard the joke about someone's leg being hurt and needing to see me for help waaaaaaaay too many times. Far too often, when I say something, someone else at the table will say something like "well, she is a doctor." Or people will refer to me as "Dr. Mrs. Redler." I'm not even sure what that is - it's a regular occurrence, not a unique slip-up. It's what some people have simply chosen to call me. Others find a way to needle in the fact that I'm "a doctor" into just about every conversation we have.

I don't need adults or kids to call me "doctor" personally. I'm simply asking that it be my professional teacher name. I know other teachers at my school that have no problem going by "doctor" - or "Doc" as a nickname. I go back and forth as far as whether I deserve it - why do I need to do a deep-dive on my value as a person simply because the community around me doesn't want to show any respect or acknowledgment for my work?

Out of defiance, I think I'm doubling down on the title...